I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
