I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
