We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
