I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm both gender and math confused
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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