I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
someone owes me an orgasm
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
