Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
