There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
