i need an iv and a liver transplant
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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