that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
