Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
