she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
