i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
