He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So many bounce houses so little time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
