Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
