if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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