is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
