If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
