I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
