i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
