Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
