He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
