I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
