I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
