4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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