dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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