that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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