I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
