If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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