My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I am one with the molecules
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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