cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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