Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
