Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
