I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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