The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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