Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
