I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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