my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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