If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
