P.S. I can't hear my feet
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
