apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
