too bad you live with your parents still
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
