He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
