I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
