I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
