i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
