Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
