Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
