grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
