party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
