$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
