i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
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